THE BIG LIST
4:44 pm |
| But the list isn't long nah.. Is it. |
I call this list the evil list. It is a bag of requirements for anyone we will accept into our lives. Sometimes even before we become friends with anyone they will have to tick all the boxes in our evil big list. This list often carry our ideas of who our ideal partner should be. Physical characteristics, financial
characteristics and sometimes we include the emotional aspect. We all know that big list we hold on so tightly too. We allow it to guide our actions and we use them to judge people even before we get to really meet them. A lot of us men and women are still waiting patiently for a person who will suit all we want perfectly. The list sometimes change to suit our ever changing needs.
I remember speaking with a friend of mine who was looking for a wife and we got talking and i mentioned a particular lady jokingly to him, he said ' i can never marry a fat woman'. This woman didn't even stand a chance of being friends with this man, she was fat. His ideal woman should be slim. That struck a cord in my mind.
The reason why most of us remain single for a very long time and marry the wrong people sometimes is because we are waiting for our perfect match. Most of us carry around this list because we want to protect ourselves. Maybe because of our past experiences and ideological beliefs. When we allow such list to cloud our mind and actions so we are not open to possibilities of a loving relationship. We meet wonderful people who are supposed to be our helpers through life but we reject them because they do not fit into our perfect picture. We tend to be extremely critical, judgemental and demanding of our potential relationship.
The bible asked us to ask for anything according to God's will. What is God will for man,(by man, i mean men and women)
you may ask; that we may have peace and have it more abundantly. So anything and ever thing that derails peace on your inside should be expunged from you. The big evil list does you more harm than good, Yes you might succeed in achieving your result of your pictured partner but truth remains any list drawn to suit fleshy aims and objectives has ruins at the end of it. Why not direct your desires from God's point of view. Leave the superficial and the extra -ordinarily dynamical awesome super fly oil skinned deep pocketed slim legs flat tummied and find someone you find peace with.
Hear this: you would find peace with someone who compliments you and drives you crazy just to see you be at your best. I think your list could be made with basic things like: a lover of God, honest, loving, loves you the way you're, a giver etc
Having basic requirements is not entirely bad but when it prevents you from giving love a chance then it is entirely evil. We wonder why God does not give us a man or woman who checks every requirement in our list. God is a God who sees the inner person and not the outward characteristics. Most of our ideal needs are physical, if you doubt me go through your list again. I used to have my own big list but I had to discard it. God taught me huge lessons. God sees the heart and the future, we only see what our eyes can see as humans. This list gets heavy sometimes but we still hold on tightly to it.
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| A peep into my ideal man list. I wrote this 6 years ago. Am not showing you everything oh.. Some are hilarious. |
Part of my big list was that my ideal man should be light-skinned, as funny as it may sound i rarely found light-skinned men who treated me right. For me being light-skinned was an added advantage for any man who must have any discussion with me first of all. They rarely had time for me or broke my heart. As an Igbo lady from Anambra state Nigeria, i was so interested in finding someone from my region, it was part of my big list. Well, till date no guy from my region has every caught my attention or approached me for a serious relationship. I had to learn the hard way. I was taught something: God's thoughts are certainly different from my thoughts. He knows the best for me and when i tore that list from my heart he gave me a man after his very own heart.
We need to stop shielding ourselves with false Gods called our IDEAL MAN/WOMAN LIST. A lot of us have been involved in relationships because we believe they are our perfect match and come out disappointed and heart broken. A lot of people have been telling me lately "ify, your aunty married a person from that region and now she is blablabla."
One of the characteristics of our big list is that they are sometimes centred around other people's previous experience. Until you realise that we are all different and we all have dynamic experiences in life will you move forward. Someone else's story is not your story.
I challenge you today to give love a good chance, don't judge a book by the cover at least read the back of the book. Get to know people before we bid them goodbye.
Dump your list today and find love in the strangest places, Cheers!!
Don't forget to share..
14 comments
Waiting for the perfect man.. lol omo you go old.. thanks lovely for your post
ReplyDeleteAs in, old age things.. Lollllooolllzz
DeleteU almost convinced me that am like dis but na lie. Am kind of strict on dis life partner of a thing but am nt obsessed with it. I guess experiences make ppl do certain things some times so u dnt blame them o
ReplyDeleteYes, most times we build this list based on our past experiences but at the end of the day, Our past remains the past and we should not take life long decisions based on hurts and pains. Let it go..
DeleteI'm from Anambra as well, and it was part of my list to marry an Anambra man. Well, after leaving it to fate, I've married to an Imo man for more than 5 years now. The truth is, when I had a list, I was pre-prejudiced against any guy who didn't fit it. I'm really glad I tore it jare.
ReplyDeleteWwooww!! Am so happy for you sister.. Some ladies from Anambra state make that mistake a lot. Am happy for you. Tearing the list is always the best . Am glad you allowed God give you your own man after his own heart. Not minding where he is from.
DeleteThe super list, we all have our list,am a guy but still have my list. Truth be told our past experience are some of the reason why people keep this super list but letting go of this list one thing we must all do and am still praying to God to help let go of mine cus it really limiting my choice.
ReplyDeleteAmen God will help you let go of your list. It helps us make better choices without being biased or sentimental.. We meet great people everyday and screened them with that list. God help us all.
DeleteIt has been my wish to marry from my village just like my parent but i don't even know a single lady from my village, i expended my search to my local government still hard to find a lady from my local government, the next stage was my state anambra state and yes i met a lovely lady but before i could say jack she is gone with the funniest of reasons Hmmmmmmmm, now am yet to decide if am to expend my search range to all the easten state cus half of the girls i've dated are all from imo state. Mba isi,mba ano etc with the whole horrible marriage list and demands in addition to my fear of going to imo state i currently have a friend who was told by his inlaw's from abia state to pay 25k before they will show give him their marriage list. Now i found myself between the devil and d deep blue sea. Ify pls where should i turn to cus it like my list of anambra lady is the best turn for me?
ReplyDeleteMy dear, first thing you should know is that getting a wife is not by mental calculation.. You have been doing too much calculation and hoping they will work for you. Getting a good wife is by God's grace, all God and perfect gift comes from God.
DeleteAbout the imo women, is it always that bad. Why are you so afraid of spending so much for a woman you claim to love. Nothing good comes easy. You are still limiting your self with the evil list, you need to shred that list be more focused on finding a good woman whom you will fulfill destiny together with.
No region produce the best wives, good wives are gifts from God alone. Please shred your list, have your peace.
Please don't get me wrong dear, this not about spending for the woman i love because it has never been a problem and will never be one. Am only concern about some greedy uncle and village people that will expect you to spend over 500k just to settle some list which content fun items. Well i owe it to God now, but i still have my wish but as it pleases God let his will be done in my life.
ReplyDeleteI feel you dear, i wish there was something we could do so those uncles can just give the younger generation peace of mind.. All those issues of expensive list is honestly getting out of hand. They see marriage as a business venture and isn't.
DeleteI love the leaving it all to God part, at the end of the day we just need to hand it all over to God and let his will be done.
Nice post Ifeoma.
ReplyDeleteI had a list.. a very long one at that. But I tore after years of comparing, matching and weighing. They simply didn't work. I kept having people who were either here or there, but non of them ever met the complete list.
I believe people build their list based on their experiences, background and expectations from life.
Whatever the pains of the past or challenges we experienced in our families while growing up, the right thing to do is hand over them all to God and allow Him work through it to bring us the best.
I believe no body is perfect. For me, the word perfect exists only in God.
Sometimes the person God brings to us is not always what we dream of, but they are always worth the stress and usually stand the test of time.
I'm not married yet, and I tore my list a long time ago. But the guy I am getting married to this year end is everything I have ever wanted. Whether he matches the list, I don't know. But I do know that God has a way of rewarding His people even with the tiniest details of our lives.
My first time here. You have a beautiful blog here. And I'm glad that you are one of those few Christian bloggers I know here in Nigeria who blog for the faith.
Please do find time to visit my blog too.
Wowww, am so happy to hear your testimony. Congratulations on your wedding. This list we hold on to usually stops us from stepping into God's perfect plan for us.
DeleteGod knows us even better than we know ourselves so we should learn to hand it all to him.
Thanks for stopping by. Will visit your blog asap.
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